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✅ verified btw. they confirmed it by checking whether he moved. he did not move. that is the entire check 💀
last updated 1341 · no notes
POV: you're scrolling and you find a 684 year old rock with more rizz than your entire situationship 🗿
carved 1341. assignment: scare demons away from a cathedral. status: DEMONS GONE. absolutely bodied that. no survivors. and then everyone just… left me up here?? for seven hundred years?? bestie I finished the task 💀
so anyway I'm on here now. gargoyle maxxing. mewing since 1341 — my jawline is LITERALLY carved, cope & seethe.
“are you nude” bro I have been nude since the fourteenth century. a man named Ancel did this to me with a chisel and then went to LUNCH. I did not consent. I cannot leave. anyway subscribe 🔥
things I offer: unbroken eye contact · weather updates from an insane vantage point · structural honesty. I am load-bearing in every sense you could possibly mean that 😤
things I do not offer: movement.
cancel anytime · he will notice
for the casually haunted
no refunds. there is no mechanism. there is only stone.
genuine architectural support fr
opp glaring is symbolic. results have never once been measured.
sigma tier · full gothic experience
landmark haunting subject to scaffolding availability.
9 posts · 4 locked · 1 crime
no caption. the goat has spoken.
the cathedral and look up
and we lock eyes. and neither of us says anything. and now that's just our thing 🗿
fun fact: the light comes off the west window around 4pm and for like nine minutes I look ABSOLUTELY DEVASTATING and I need everyone to know that
CAUGHT IN 4K 📸 (it is 240p. it was 1341.)
i think i look great
the restoration society said this is “not how conservation photography works” ok grandma 💀
ancel could NEVER
DAY 247,000 OF PERCHING.
update: still perching. streak intact 🔥 not to flex but I have never once gotten up. consistency is a skill. some of you couldn't do a week.
also gerald has returned. gerald has brought associates. gerald has begun what I can only describe as a COLONY on my left wing, and when I raised this with him — using my one available tool, which is looking — he made eye contact and did not stop.
I have been intimidating for 684 years. it is my whole thing. a bird the size of a bread roll took it from me in a fortnight. I'm not upset. I'm simply describing events 🗿
should I get the moss removed 🤔 be honest
getting mogged daily by the north tower gargoyle. he is 40 feet higher than me. that is the only reason. that is literally the only reason 🗿
HE HAS A WATERSPOUT AND HE MENTIONS IT CONSTANTLY
anyway. (blocked)
ASMR: 40 mins of me not moving 😴
the repointing pics 🧱 I was scaffolded for ELEVEN WEEKS
the ratio 💬
unmoderated · he cannot reach the keyboard
u have NEVER let me land on u. i land on u every single day. i think abt this constantly. we are the same person now bartholomew. we are one 🕊️🗿
@moss gerald you live on him. that is not a relationship that is a lease
@bartholomew1341 🗿
↑ ratio'd by a rock that said nothing
he is not even a real gargoyle. a gargoyle has a WATERSPOUT. he is a decorative grotesque with good lighting and a marketing budget. I have carried this parish's rainwater since 1339 and I have never ONCE posted about it.
@bartholomew1341 he made a whole account to say this
@gerald unc really said “actually 🤓” about drainage
↑ 41K · ratio + didn't ask + you're a downspout
For the third time: the 2019 lime mortar repointing was conservation work and not, as this account continues to describe it, a “glow-up.” We are however thrilled about the engagement numbers.
@bartholomew1341 glow up tho
@grismont_official Please.
been on him since 1809. can confirm everything he says abt himself. he is SO unc. i love him. would not leave even if asked. have not been asked 🌿
named 3 opps on tuesday. thursday one of them looked up at the cathedral for a LONG time and then went home early 💀 im not saying it worked. im saying i got my nine acorns worth 🔥